A Sudden Realization: Am I Procrastinating?
Yesterday, while walking home, I caught snippets of two teenagers arguing, their voices sharp against the hum of passing cars.
“It was my laziness. I wasn’t procrastinating,” one said, kicking a pebble that scattered across the sidewalk.
“What’s the difference? You’re just making up words,” the other snapped, tugging his hoodie tighter.
Their words hung in the air like smoke, drifting into my thoughts. I stopped mid-step, the cold biting my fingertips. Was I procrastinating on that YouTube channel?
When I decided to embrace sobriety again after my second relapse last year, I set out to rebuild myself. A mountain of rising debts was one of the biggest factors that led to my rock bottom, and I knew that my 9-to-5 job alone wouldn’t be enough. That’s when I came up with an idea—writing blogs about my journey and launching a YouTube channel. These weren’t just side projects for earning some extra income; they were my way of holding myself accountable and monitoring my progress while also helping others in similar situations. If you’re interested in the events that led to that difficult time, you can read about it in “Hitting the Rock Bottom: The edge of abyss.
After months of research, I successfully launched this blog. But three months later, my YouTube channel still hasn’t seen the light of day. I’ve tried recording my first video several times, but something always stops me. Was I procrastinating?
Why do we procrastinate? The hidden psychology

I reached home with my mind trying to find out the real meaning of procrastination. My wife brought me a glass of water.
“Looking very thoughtful,” she smiled as she handed over a glass of water.
“I don’t know why I always postpone important things,” I said reluctantly.
“You always do this. There are many things that you can do easily, but instead of doing them, you always try to delay things. You always try to do things with utmost perfection, causing unnecessary delay,” she said after thinking for a moment.
I entered my room, thinking if perfectionism was the only reason for my procrastination. I lay down on the bed and grabbed my phone. “Why do we procrastinate?” Google, Reddit, Quora—I searched everywhere I could as I just wanted to arrive at the root of procrastination.
After my wife’s comment, I went to my room and started searching “Why do we procrastinate?” on Google, Reddit, and Quora. The more I read, the more I understood that procrastination is not just about being lazy; it’s a complex behavior influenced by various psychological factors. From fear of failure to the need for perfection, each person’s reasons can differ, but the common thread is the delay in action despite knowing the importance of the task.
I learned that procrastination isn’t laziness—it’s a psychological tug-of-war. The limbic system, that emotional gremlin in our brains, craves instant comfort, while the prefrontal cortex—the adult in the room—begs for logic. Spoiler: the gremlin usually wins. But if I knew the YouTube channel could help me—financially, and emotionally—why was I still stalling? I dug deep into it and found the following reasons that clawed at me.
Fear of Failure: What If I’m Not Good Enough?

When I reflected on why I procrastinate, one thing became clear—fear of failure was holding me back more than I admitted.
I am in a situation where my survival demands more than just a 9-to-5 job. My debts are mounting, and the life I once lived has collapsed. If I want to rebuild, I need to do something beyond the ordinary. Success requires risk, effort, and stepping into the unknown. You can’t expect extraordinary rewards by doing ordinary things.
Faced with minimal chances of success, I often find it easier to dwell in the illusion of potential triumph than to confront the difficult truth of impending failure.
But what if I fail?
Every time I sat in front of my phone to record my first video, I froze. The camera was ready, the lighting was decent, and my script was rehearsed. Yet, my finger hovered over the record button, unable to press it.
“What if I stutter?”
“What if I sound ridiculous?”
“What if nobody watches?”
The what-ifs crowded my mind like uninvited guests, filling every corner with doubt. My palms grew damp, my heart pounded, and my stomach twisted.
I convinced myself I needed a better setup—an expensive mic, a professional background, a perfectly written script. But deep down, I knew the truth. I wasn’t waiting for better equipment. I was waiting for certainty—a guarantee that I wouldn’t fail.
But certainty doesn’t exist. And since I couldn’t get that, I simply didn’t start.
Thus, the fear of failure is a significant factor in my procrastination.
After understanding that procrastination is more than just laziness, I delved deeper to find the specific reasons that were holding me back. The first reason I identified was the fear of failure.
Perfectionism: The Hidden Enemy of Progress

Alongside the fear of failure, another common reason for procrastination is the pursuit of perfection.
If you go through my social media, you’ll see me posting about how “perfection is a myth, and consistency is the key.” Ironically, in my personal life, I do the exact opposite.
Before I even begin something, I start picking apart my flaws. This self-criticism drains my confidence before I take my first step.
I once spent an entire evening adjusting the lighting in my room for a video I never recorded. Another time, I practiced my introduction for hours, only to delete it because it didn’t sound perfect.
“Maybe I should wait until I get a better camera.”
“Maybe my voice needs more clarity.”
“Maybe I should watch more tutorials before I try.”
I even looked at my test recordings and cringed at my own face. “Maybe I should’ve trimmed my beard. Maybe a different shirt would look better.”
Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.
Perfectionism disguised itself as preparation. I wasn’t refining my work—I was finding new ways to delay it. I convinced myself I wasn’t procrastinating, just making sure everything was perfect.
And in that endless pursuit of perfection, I ended up producing nothing at all.
In this way, my perfectionism often leads to procrastination, as I get stuck in the endless loop of seeking perfection.
Fear of Judgment: What Will Others Think?
Moreover, the fear of being judged by others can also be a significant barrier, causing one to procrastinate.
For years, I have carried this unspoken belief that I am a capable, intelligent person who does things well. The truth, however, may be different. But this arrogance—the need to uphold a certain image—keeps me from taking action.
I was halfway through a test recording when an intrusive thought crept in:
“What if someone sees this and laughs?”
A random stranger, scrolling past my video, smirking at my attempt.
“Who is he to talk about self-improvement?”
“People know his past. They’ll never take him seriously.”
“His accent sounds weird. His voice is too rough.”
The thought was paralyzing. I deleted the recording before I even played it back.
Growing up, I had learned to avoid criticism. I stayed in the background, where nobody could judge me. Now, putting myself out there felt like handing people a loaded gun, giving them permission to fire their opinions at me.
The worst part? The judgment hadn’t even happened. It was all in my head. But that was enough to keep me from trying.
This fear of judgment is another reason why I procrastinate, as the anxiety over potential negative feedback stops me from taking the first step.
Anxiety and Overwhelm: When the Task Feels Too Big
Additionally, feelings of anxiety and overwhelm can make even the smallest tasks seem insurmountable, contributing to procrastination.
I have always found comfort in routine. I am not the type of person who explores new challenges eagerly. New ventures bring uncertainty, and uncertainty brings anxiety.
One evening, I sat at my desk, a notebook open in front of me, filled with plans for my YouTube channel. Pages of ideas, content outlines, lists of things I needed to learn. The more I looked at it, the heavier it all seemed.
“I need to learn video editing first.”
“Then I have to make a professional thumbnail.”
“I don’t even know what software to use.”
“And what about background music? Subtitles? SEO for videos?”
I flipped the notebook shut. My breathing felt shallow, my mind racing in a hundred directions at once. The whole process seemed like an impossible mountain to climb.
Instead of taking the first step, I walked away.
Avoidance felt easier than figuring out where to start.
Anxiety and overwhelm are key contributors to my procrastination, making the task seem too intimidating to begin.
Fear of Disappointing Others: The People-Pleaser’s Curse
Another factor is the fear of disappointing those around me, which can be a strong motivator for delay.
One evening, my wife asked, “When are you finally going to record your first video?”
I fumbled for an answer. “Soon,” I mumbled, forcing a smile.
She nodded, but I saw the concern in her eyes. She had been supportive from the beginning, encouraging me at every step. But what if I failed after all this support? What if my content flopped?
“I can’t let her down.”
“I can’t let my family think I wasted my time.”
“What if people laugh at me and it embarrasses them too?”
There was another layer to it—our financial struggles. I have put my family through enough. I have told them I’m working on things that will help improve our situation. If this doesn’t work out, I will have to face their disappointment.
So, I avoided it. Because as long as I hadn’t failed yet, there was still hope that maybe it would all work out someday.
The fear of disappointing others is a powerful driver of why I procrastinate, as I delay action to avoid the possibility of letting them down.
Incomplete Preparation: Rushing the Process
Incomplete preparation is yet another way to procrastinate, as I use the need for more knowledge or resources as an excuse to postpone.
I’ve always been impatient. Planning and preparation have never been my strong suits. The moment I start preparing for something, I grow restless—anxious to jump straight in, convincing myself that I don’t need too much groundwork.
This habit has sabotaged my attempts at recording videos countless times.
I’d sit down to write a script, but after a few lines, a voice in my head would whisper, “Why waste time overthinking? Just start recording—you’ll figure it out as you go.” So, I’d set up my phone, hit record, and begin. Within minutes, I’d stumble over my words, forget a key point, or lose my train of thought.
Frustrated, I’d stop. Then, I’d return to my script, skimming through it with urgency instead of revising it properly. “Okay, just tweak this sentence, swap this word, now it’s fine.” But deep down, I knew it wasn’t. I hadn’t taken the time to truly refine my message. Yet, instead of rehearsing, I’d try recording again. The cycle repeated itself—record, mess up, revise half-heartedly, record again.
Eventually, irritation would set in. My motivation drained, and I’d abandon the task entirely. The problem wasn’t that I lacked ideas or effort—it was my unwillingness to slow down and respect the process. I was stuck in a loop of impatience, mistaking rushed attempts for real progress.
Incomplete preparation often results in procrastination, as I avoid the task due to my own lack of thoroughness.
Mismanagement of Time: A Broken Routine
Finally, mismanagement of time is a practical aspect that often exacerbates procrastination, as poor scheduling and prioritization lead to tasks being put off.
For the last twenty years, my daily schedule revolved around my drinking habits. Now, as I try to rebuild my life with better habits—gym, yoga, and content creation—I find myself struggling with time management.
I live in a market area where the sounds of honking vehicles, chattering vendors, and loudspeakers are constant distractions during the day. After a few failed attempts at recording videos amidst the noise, I told myself, “Mornings will be the best time. It’s quieter. I’ll record then.”
It sounded like a solid plan—until reality kicked in.
Most mornings, I start my day at the gym. The sessions stretch longer than planned because I love pushing my limits. Then, I return home and dive into yoga, telling myself I’ll only do a few poses. But once I start, I lose track of time. “Just five more minutes,” I say, stretching into another asana. By the time I finish, my entire morning window is gone.
One morning, my wife asked, “Did you record today?”
I sighed, rubbing my temples. “No… I ran out of time again.”
She raised an eyebrow. “You’ve been waking up at five every day. How can you not find just forty-five minutes?”
I had no answer.
It wasn’t that I lacked time—it was that I wasn’t structuring it well. Instead of prioritizing tasks, I let one activity spill into another, leaving no space for what truly needed to be done. Time slipped through my fingers, and I was left wondering where it went.
I wasn’t just procrastinating—I was mismanaging the very hours I had.
Mismanagement of time is another form of procrastination, as poor planning leads to avoidance of important tasks.
Breaking the Cycle: A Path Forward
The next morning, I sat at the kitchen table, coffee cooling in my mug. Why do we procrastinate? The answer was a tangle—fear of failure, perfectionism, judgment, anxiety. They were puppet strings pulling me away from that record button.
But today felt different. I grabbed my phone, set it up—no fancy setup, no script. “Screw it,” I muttered, hitting record.
“Hi, I’m… me. And I’m figuring this out.”
My voice wobbled, but I kept going. Thirty seconds later, I stopped. It wasn’t perfect. It wasn’t even good. But it was something.
Those teenagers didn’t just argue—they handed me a mirror. Procrastination isn’t laziness; it’s fear wrapped in hesitation. Writing this blog, flaws and all, is a win. Tomorrow, I might keep that recording. Maybe even upload it.
For now, I’m here, typing, the keys clicking like a heartbeat. And that’s enough. It makes me wonder, how often do we let the fear of ‘what if’ prevent us from even trying?
Reflecting on all this, I realize that the question ‘Why do we procrastinate?’ is one that I need to keep asking myself to stay on track. Each time I catch myself delaying, I’ll remember that it’s not about being lazy; it’s about the fears and habits that hold me back. And with that awareness, I can take steps to overcome them.
Pingback: Fear’s Quiet Reign: A Journey Through Pusillanimity - Reboot